Who is that Man who thinks He's a prophet?
I wonder if He's got something up His sleeve
Where's He from? Who is His daddy?
There's rumors He even thinks Himself a king
Of a kingdom of paupers
Simpletons and rogues!
The whores all seem to love Him
And the drunks propose a toast

And they say, "Surely God is with us!"

Well, Who is that man who says He's a preacher?
He must be, He's disturbing all our peace.
Where does He get off, and what is He hiding?
Every word He says those fools believe
And who could move a mountain?
Who would love their enemy?
Who could rejoice in pain
And turn the other cheek

And still say, "Surely God is with us,
Well, surely God is with us,"
Who'll say, "Surely God is with us today, today!"?

They say, "Surely God is with us
Well, surely God is with us"
They say, "Surely God is with us!"
--Mark Robertson from Rich Mullins' Jesus Record


That is our King--a man who provoked scandal with His very birth, provided wine for revelers in Cana, hung out with prostitutes and the socially down-and-out...and thinks more of finding one lost sinner then of all the righteous put together. Truly our God is an awesome God--truly Jesus was the Son of God--we could never have created anything so preposterous!

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year, people! Enjoy a little Calvin and Hobbes while you're here.


Hobbes:

Are you making any resolutions for the new year?

Calvin:

Resolutions? ME?? Just what are you implying? That I need to change?? Well, Buddy, as far as I'm concerned, I'm perfect the way I am! For your information, I'm staying like this, and everyone else can just get used to it! If people don't like me the way I am, well, tough beans! It's a free country! I don't need anyone's permission to be the way I want! This is how I am - take it or leave it! By golly, life's too darn short to waste time trying to please every meddlesome moron who's got an idea how I ought to be! I don't need advice! Everyone can just stay out of my face!

I think I need a profile picture. What do y'all think of this one?

January 16, 2003

To Whom it May Concern c/o William Wallace, the preserver of Liechtenstein and Scotland:

I appreciate your (relatively) prompt response informing me of the change in Liechtenstein's administration. I am at a loss as to what I shall tell Mr. J. K. Whippplesnatch Esq.--perhaps you could suggest something. Is Liechtenstein still available to lease for the very generous (on our part) compensation agreed upon? Is the current management of Liechtenstein honoring the commitments made by the previous despot? I believe ours was an unwritten agreement, which perhaps may cause technical difficulties, but I firmly believe that Liechtenstein is honor-bound to fulfill its side of the contract. I will discuss the matter with Mr. Whippplesnatch--it is possible he may no longer feel any compunction to lease Liechtenstein after the abrupt social and bureaucratic changes that have occurred.

If you will kindly answer the questions above I will pass the information along to Mr. Whippplesnatch, and shortly thereafter will inform the people of Liechtenstein if we are still interested in pursuing the (as the vulgar put it) "deal".

Always, your obsequious, subservient, sycophantic servant,

J. Snarguss, secretary of

Mr. J. K. Whippplesnatch Esq. Founder of the Amalgamated Paper Clip and Rubber Band Company

I was thinking of Liechtenstein today.

If you don't know where or what that is, I'm not telling you, so you'll have to look it up yourself. (I don't believe in encouraging laziness. *sweet smile*)

Once you know what it is, and that it has been (and may be now, for all I know) available for lease, you'll know everything necessary to appreciate The Liechtenstein Saga.

The two gentleman (actually there are six, but who's counting?) concerned are Pieter Friedrich and Jorge K. Whippplesnatch (observe the third P--it's very important). You all know Pieter--what can I say about him that hasn't already been said? As for J. K. Whippplesnatch...well...I take no responsibility for him. He does what he likes, and he is what he is. Let the facts speak for themselves.

If, after reading, you feel that the world is not yet ready for this admirable work by two geniuses (by the way, why isn't the plural of genius "genii"?)--feel free to say so. Mr. Friedrich and Mr. Whippplesnatch have themselves commented on the fickleness of public opinion and fame:

Whippplesnatch: What, you think posterity won't appreciate us? That is a new and displeasing thought. Why wouldn't posterity appreciate us for the pair of precious foo-I mean geniuses that we are? This bothers me. Does it bother you?

Friedrich: Well, maybe if we write a book...or books...posterity will at least
remember us. Whether or not they appreciate us doesn't particularly
concern me. I just want 'em to remember us. Consider though...does posterity remember King Alfred Lourishicci VVIII? Of course not. So if posterity doesn't remember him then why should posterity remember us? Eh? Eh?

And with that answer we will have to be content. Posterity will do what posterity does, and nothing further we could say will have the slightest effect on it.

I present, then:


THE LIECHTENSTEIN SAGA: or, The Correspondence of Two Unusual Gentlemen: Part I

Dec. 2, 2002

My dear Mr. Friedrich,

First of all, I wanted to let you know that I am your devoted admirerer--I read your weblog every day! You are my hero, Mr. Friedrich. *takes hat off and stands in reverent silence*

On the practical side, since we are men of business...I'm sure we can come to some sort of deal regarding Liechtenstein. I'm thinking of renting it for the coming conference of the Amalgamated Paper Clip and Rubber Band Company. What sort of price range are we looking at?

I completely understand your aversion to mentioning that coarse and common subject of m-o-n-e-y. We are men of sensitivity and social standing. Such things are too base for us to mention. So let me propose, then, an alternative. I have at my disposal a fairly large number of bonds available from the Amalgamated P. C. and R. B. Company. We would be extremely pleased for you to accept these in remuneration for Liechtenstein. We are SO sure of your satisfaction that we are currently offering a two-for-one deal...we will give you twice the amount of stock in our company if you act now!

If you could possibly put this deal through for me, I'd be so delighted that I would...well...do anything to show my appreciation. Honest! I'd even endorse you in our next commercial. Anything I can do to help you out, just let me know!

Yours, humbly, gratefully, and ever-admiringly,

Mr. J. K. Whippplesnatch


------------------------------------------

January 7, 2003

My dearest duncical sir,

We apologize for being so lax in replying to you. The man you wrote to will happily never write again. His was an unhappy end for himself, and yet a very satisfactory end for the oppressed people of Liechtenstein. The former ruler of Liechtenstein,

Pieter J. L. P. E. Q. Z. E. E. C. D. S. Friedrich Alfaninffe Lancaster Limdadedude, Jr.
the III,
the XIV,
the L,
the XXX,
the XCIX,
the CDLXXIII,
and the MCCCLXXXVIII,
Esquire, King, Fuhrer, Magnate, Baron, Czar, Mogul, Tycoon, Monarch, Sovereign, Despot, Duce, Tyrant,
Dictator of Liechtenstein,
Commander-in-Chief of the Massive Massed Hordes of Barbaric and Ferocious Furious Fighting Armies, Navies, Air-Forces, and Marines of Liechtenstein,
and Proud Possessor of the Indocilis Refractariolus Haedilia Title as Bequeathed in Honor of Services Rendered,

currently rots in Hell. May he rest in peace.

The land of Liechtenstein is now free from tyranny. Ours shall be a great existence, never again to be hindered by oppression or repression of a suppresser. Long live the free nation of Liechtenstein!

Yours, William Wallace (having freed Scotland, I figured Liechtenstein could use a hand...yeah, I know, I was dead, but modern medicine works wonders...)

(from C. S. Lewis' The Last Battle)

"Please," said the Lamb, "I can't understand. What have we to do with the Calormenes? We belong to Aslan. They belong to Tash. They have a god called Tash. They say he has four arms and the head of a vulture. They kill Men on his altar. I don't believe there's any such person as Tash. But if there was, how could Aslan be friends with him?"

The Ape jumped up and spat at the Lamb.

..."What do you understand of such things? But the others, listen. Tash is only another name for Aslan. All that old idea of us being right and the Calormenes wrong is silly. We know better now. The Calormenes use different words but we all mean the same thing. Tash and Aslan are only two different names for you know Who. That's why there can never be any quarrel between them. Get that into your heads, you stupid brutes. Tash is Aslan; Aslan is Tash."

It's uncanny how familiar that lie sounds. The Lamb's question should also sound familiar to us, because it echoes 2 Corinthians 6:15 very closely, which says, "What has Christ to do with Belial [Satan], or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever?"

Lewis had a knack of recognizing the old falsehoods that are told over and over again to each new generation. They may be called by different names, but they are still the same damnable lies told from the beginning.

Perhaps the only answer to a lie like this one is the answer the King of Narnia gave to the Ape: "Ape," he cried with a great voice, "you lie damnably!"