I am standing (figuratively speaking) in the middle of a political graveyard. Or, rather, The Political Graveyard, which is the name of this website. Exactly 107,137 Politicians, Judges and Diplomats are here--a shockingly small number, considering how politicians have multiplied since the occupation was first invented. With this in mind, one comes eventually to the obvious conclusion that politicians as a breed are immortal. They don't die. They just fade into the background to make way for the next (and more numerous) generation. Of course, we know that some unlucky politicos lead very short lives--but this is mostly due to the fact that they (out of ignorance, we assume) try to introduce destructive elements such as integrity, or a sense of honor into the political pool--these are justly and summarily executed, so as to preserve unpolluted the purity of the race. Most politicians, however, are true to their creed, and these are the pillars of our government.
Because it never hurts to start with a definition, here is one for "political graveyard". The term "political graveyard" refers to "those ambitious candidates [that] didn't make it." And how does one recognize an "ambitious candidate that didn't make it"? It isn't easy--they come from all walks of life and from every conceivable political and social background. In our little graveyard alone, we have--
Politicians who received the Nobel Peace Prize (9); the Medal of Honor (37); the Medal of Freedom (82); the Pulitzer Prize (6); the Spingarn Medal (13); or any Olympic medal (6).
Politicians who are in the (original) Hall of Fame (30).
Politicians who have been portrayed on U.S. coins or currency (44).
Politicians involved in entertainment (47), professional sports (56), or who are/were otherwise famous outside politics (23).
Politicians who were California Forty-Niners (32).
Politicians who were born in slavery (16).
Politicians with physical disabilities (67).
Politicians who have been in space (6).
Politicians who survived assassination attempts (14).
Politicians who participated in dueling (45).
Politicians who were ever in trouble or disgrace (369)
Politicians who were pardoned (14)
For those of you who were startled at some of these entries, the last two in particular, let me hasten to point out that, (1) these are not the causes of death (except possibly for those who took up dueling as a sport), and (2) those in the second-to-last category were likely being maligned through no fault of their own, which is why only 14 of them were pardoned (which actually means that only 14 of them did anything serious enough to be pardoned for). With all these ambitious failures on record, perhaps you are wondering just what it takes to be a non-failure (read "successful politician"). The answer to this is absurdly easy. Just look at the characteristics mentioned above, subtract them from your average politician's makeup, and--voila!--you have a keeper. Simple, ain't it? Some of the characteristics above contribute less to failure than others, such as having one's face on a quarter, or playing professional sports. Perhaps one or two, such as 'surviving assassination attempts' shouldn't even be on the list. (For instance, this one is actually an asset--it often stimulates public sympathy towards the would-be-assassinated). If your politician is a California Forty-Niner, on the other hand, you may have problems. In case you aren't familiar with what Today's ideal politician is like, I'll just write up a quick sketch for you.
(1) The Ideal Politician should have a very long, but also selective memory--it is often necessary to remember a face that one last saw twelve years ago, or, on the other hand, to forget something that happened only yesterday. Sometimes a selective memory can be more important than an accurate memory. (Think Bill Clinton). (2) The Ideal Politician should have a firm grasp of all logical fallacies (otherwise known as "strong arguments") and should be ready to use them at a moment's notice. Other politicians may understand what you are doing, but they won't give you away (this is called professional courtesy)--the average American, on the other hand, won't even know what a logical fallacy is. (3) The Ideal Politician should never lose his temper unless provoked by radical right-wingers, in which case a display of scathing contempt is perfectly appropriate. If your politician is the easy-going sort, don't worry--the situation can also be handled with a slight shrug and a patronizing brush-off. (4) The Ideal Politician should never, ever make the mistake of being either too liberal (although some have questioned whether one can ever be "too liberal"), or too conservative. This is called being a political Center, and is the arena where your average politician has the best chances of succeeding. However, if your politician must take sides, it is better for him to err on the side of progess than bigotry and small-mindedness.
That was easy, wasn't it? With such a short rule-book, it's no wonder that most politicians get along quite well. Just remember: They say you can fool some of the people all of the time, or all of the people some of the time--but the politician can fool 'em all!
Because it never hurts to start with a definition, here is one for "political graveyard". The term "political graveyard" refers to "those ambitious candidates [that] didn't make it." And how does one recognize an "ambitious candidate that didn't make it"? It isn't easy--they come from all walks of life and from every conceivable political and social background. In our little graveyard alone, we have--
Politicians who received the Nobel Peace Prize (9); the Medal of Honor (37); the Medal of Freedom (82); the Pulitzer Prize (6); the Spingarn Medal (13); or any Olympic medal (6).
Politicians who are in the (original) Hall of Fame (30).
Politicians who have been portrayed on U.S. coins or currency (44).
Politicians involved in entertainment (47), professional sports (56), or who are/were otherwise famous outside politics (23).
Politicians who were California Forty-Niners (32).
Politicians who were born in slavery (16).
Politicians with physical disabilities (67).
Politicians who have been in space (6).
Politicians who survived assassination attempts (14).
Politicians who participated in dueling (45).
Politicians who were ever in trouble or disgrace (369)
Politicians who were pardoned (14)
For those of you who were startled at some of these entries, the last two in particular, let me hasten to point out that, (1) these are not the causes of death (except possibly for those who took up dueling as a sport), and (2) those in the second-to-last category were likely being maligned through no fault of their own, which is why only 14 of them were pardoned (which actually means that only 14 of them did anything serious enough to be pardoned for). With all these ambitious failures on record, perhaps you are wondering just what it takes to be a non-failure (read "successful politician"). The answer to this is absurdly easy. Just look at the characteristics mentioned above, subtract them from your average politician's makeup, and--voila!--you have a keeper. Simple, ain't it? Some of the characteristics above contribute less to failure than others, such as having one's face on a quarter, or playing professional sports. Perhaps one or two, such as 'surviving assassination attempts' shouldn't even be on the list. (For instance, this one is actually an asset--it often stimulates public sympathy towards the would-be-assassinated). If your politician is a California Forty-Niner, on the other hand, you may have problems. In case you aren't familiar with what Today's ideal politician is like, I'll just write up a quick sketch for you.
(1) The Ideal Politician should have a very long, but also selective memory--it is often necessary to remember a face that one last saw twelve years ago, or, on the other hand, to forget something that happened only yesterday. Sometimes a selective memory can be more important than an accurate memory. (Think Bill Clinton). (2) The Ideal Politician should have a firm grasp of all logical fallacies (otherwise known as "strong arguments") and should be ready to use them at a moment's notice. Other politicians may understand what you are doing, but they won't give you away (this is called professional courtesy)--the average American, on the other hand, won't even know what a logical fallacy is. (3) The Ideal Politician should never lose his temper unless provoked by radical right-wingers, in which case a display of scathing contempt is perfectly appropriate. If your politician is the easy-going sort, don't worry--the situation can also be handled with a slight shrug and a patronizing brush-off. (4) The Ideal Politician should never, ever make the mistake of being either too liberal (although some have questioned whether one can ever be "too liberal"), or too conservative. This is called being a political Center, and is the arena where your average politician has the best chances of succeeding. However, if your politician must take sides, it is better for him to err on the side of progess than bigotry and small-mindedness.
That was easy, wasn't it? With such a short rule-book, it's no wonder that most politicians get along quite well. Just remember: They say you can fool some of the people all of the time, or all of the people some of the time--but the politician can fool 'em all!
