To a FRIEND:

Bugsy,
You and me
Out on the town.
With our camo and army boots,
Our black face-grease
And .38 specials,
We’re going to rob
The Dead-Letter Office.
(Don’t smile and give us away!)

Two fools
Looking for fool’s gold
(I say this in affection).
At least we’re wise fools—
We know that the gold isn’t important.
It’s the looking for it
That matters--
It’s the fun of the chase!

The two amigos—
Three if we bring Jorge.
Have you got the map?
We’ll go exploring
And climb the tallest pine
(really, any one would do,
they’re all so tall!)
To find—what?
I forget what we were looking for.

Two armies—
Marching to defend
(or was it seize?)
A tiny country
That I cannot pronounce.
Somehow our armies
Went blithely past
And missed each other completely.
Ah well.

Two glasses
Of lemonade.
The sun is hot,
But we lie back
And look at the future.
This grass wouldn’t be
So long, or tickle
So much, if we weren’t
Such lazy chaps,
And if we cut it.
But what’s long grass?
It’s better long
For making whistles.
Bet I can make mine
Louder than yours!
But you’re too lazy
To argue.

Two hep cats,
Blowin’ off the joint
And duckin’ the Feds.
We’re hot—-gotta wait
Until we cool off.
Avoid the cheap dives,
See Freddy the Fence
To get some lettuce,
And we’ll be in the pink.

Two admiral birds—-
Grab your hat and scarf
And let’s find some tigers!
I hear the Siberians
Are quite charming
If you catch them
On a Thursday.
And what luck—
Today is Thursday!

Two grins
And two scowls,
But only the grins are real.
(The others are masks
to deceive the uninitiated)
One dope and one idiot—
But which is which?

Bugsy,
You and me
Out on the town.
Ain’t we a pair though?

When the Philosophy of Today becomes the Law of Tomorrow:

“The most merciful thing a large family can do to one of its infant members is to kill it.”
-Margaret Sanger (1879-1966) founder of Planned Parenthood

Thanks to Carmon Friedrich for bringing this quote to my attention.

Samuel Johnson was a fellow after my own heart. I give you his candid opinion of those longish green vegetables that are so unfortunately found in profusion at any vegetable market:

"A cucumber should be well-sliced, dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out."

Hear, hear!